I’m letting go

this year I finally decided to start living with the fact that it’s ok to stop mourning the events of September 11th. (for ME in MY life) 

some time has passed (obviously), aside from the fact that I was located near downtown Manhattan on that day, NOTHING makes me any more different or special than any other human being alive. So I’ve decided to not be catatonic looking at footage on MSNBC or any news outlets on the anniversary. For the longest time I equated “We will not forget..” with “I will stay glued to the tv and re-live the horror ” every year. I don’t mean this as an insult to anyone still trying to come to grips with the tragedies,

we did

… we finally made it down the aisle, or in our case down the sidewalk toward the gazebo.

The reception went better than I had planned. No fights, no loud words. Being legally drunk for 80 percent of the day didn’t hurt matters any. Most of the food didn’t go to waste, more than half of the keg was consumed, and Porky the Slaughtered Pig was delicious.

I’m by NO means an expert on anything let alone married life, but from what I’ve felt so far… it’s not all too different from living together in sin.

on a boat

we made it to the boat despite some last minute scares. We quickly adapted to the cruise lifestyle, lounging around and drinking drinking DRINKING! The ports of call were as I imagined they’d be. Aside from Hemingway’s house and some assorted stops here and there, Key West seems like one big happy hour, by 2 o’clock we were suffering from heat exhaustion so beer was the last thing on our minds.

Cozumel was the second stop on the drunk americas tour. I felt like i was in the middle of George Lopez’s comedy act, I couldn’t help but think of him while we were walking through the plazas “My fren my fren, looka mira, you like belts?” The pressure was on for the vendors because our boat was the first one that had docked at the port in 40 days, the Governor of the region was there and so were the local media. Cozumel was definitely worth while, we took an educational tour/Hiking tour through the Mexican desert in San Gervasio,Cozumel learning about Mayan culture. Apparently honeymooners have been making pilgrimages to Cozumel since Mayan times, according to our guide the site at San Gervasio was the stop all newlyweds made in order to pay respect to the fertility gods.

Our third stop was Belize City in Belize, like Cozumel we made another educational tour. We toured another Mayan site and we really enjoyed ourselves. What we learned (aside from the obvious educational stuff) chubby people shouldn’t hike especially in a tropical climate.

Meanwhile, ON THE BOAT! we ate our weight in steaks,lobster, chicken and deserts.

And back on land I developed an inner ear infection when I got back, not to fun when the room spinning but your sober.

Next Obstacle, finding and moving into a new house

roundup

I can’t think of a catchy title, so that’ll have to do for now. I’m going to be married in less than a week and I won’t be writing on here for the rest of May so I thought I’d do a “Best Of” or all I’ve learned type of list here

I’VE learned

In single life…

… it’s always darkest before the dawn.. sounds horribly cliche but it actually holds alot of water. When we are down and out, want to give up and jump into that volcano we don’t actually see the future possibilities, the future parties, dates, loves, all around good times and bad times (that make us appreciative) ahead.

… ..it doesn’t matter how toys you collect… it truly doesn’t matter because I ended up buying alot of them back on ebay, but in retrospect you have to remember that possessions don’t last forever

…a life together..

…. pick your battles… doing an extra menial task sounds annoying but if it saves me from getting beheaded? so be it, it actually sounds like I’m complaining too much there, I actually don’t mind doing those so called menial tasks, when everything is put into perspective, I do those things because I love her….

LISTENING is KEY!!! … there are a few things that you’re allowed to forget, at the risk of getting in trouble I won’t mention any right now, but you really do want to keep open ears!! this fact goes hand in hand with another good basic fact, Silence is Golden! sometimes we have to shut up in order to hear what other people are saying, all the more important when the other peson is the love of your life.

…..if I think of more I’ll add through comments

I don’t feel like picking up my book right now so I’ll blog instead

pretty much the title says it all… there are some things I’ve been pondering

…if I start my “25 random facts” post on facebook NOW will I just be copying everyone else? or will my pent up rage from past attrocities shake certain folks to the core

   can octogenarians sense sarcasm? and if they can will they still obey?  (i.e “have a good day” and “you’re welcome”)

will pointless talent shows get renewed for another season? (no picture needed too many tv shows to list)

the a.d.d. in me has taken a tighter hold in my life, either that or it’s just plain exhaustion moving into my life… for example, I’ve woken up from my sunday naps (bids to stay alive) to watch tv (The Amazing Race) and for the life of me there are whole chunks, segments, people that I can’t remember. It could be that I’m half asleep, it could be that I’m growing out of my tv is life phase (I kinda hope not) but 60 plus hours punching the clock CAN do that to ya.

not to mention this weekend daylight savings timestarts [or ends, I really don't know] and that will only throw me off just THAT much more completely fucking me all up..

On a lighter note, I did catch Jimmy Fallon’s second night ( I work so I slept on wed. and thur. nite)… I think he’ll do just fine, I guess I just have to get used to his bits… I guess

They’re…. here?

this isn’t a usual rant, it’s more about a spooky commercial that kind of weirded me out the other day.

there’s a new direct tv ad that features a snippet from the 1982 horror classic Poltergeist . the ad features the scene where Carol Anne goes to the tv with the snowy picture and starts talking to the tv. I guess you can call the spot an homage, to me, it just comes off as creepy. In the spot Craig T. Nelson starts going off about direct tv and how he should have switched while a Carol Anne body double stays at the foot of the bed. It’s eery considering that Heather O’Rourke died twenty years ago, now this doesn’t compare to other spots that have featured Humphrey Bogart and I believe the other famous dead person used was Gene Kelly, it doesn’t compare because Heather O’Rourke died VERY early on in her life.

that’s just my opinion

I remember 28 years ago

on a July day I went along wit my parents. my brother and a small contingent of my family to go pick up my grandmother, uncle and aunt from the airport. I remember being really excited because I had never met these legendary figures that everyone was going on about, they would show my little eyes these pictures (this was a few months before they realized i needed glasses so those pictures were blurry blobs to me) These new family members were coming so far to meet us. They had participated in the Mariel Boat Lift   ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariel_boat_lift ) and were finally released from a processing center in Fort McCoy, Wisconsin. 

I remember being at the airport and staring out onto the tarmac, staring at the giant planes taxiing back and forth in front of my eyes. I remember not paying attention as all the adults started to speak louder, almost yelling, as the new arrivals made their way toward us. I remember waiting my turn to hug and kiss my new family members, I was struck at how much younger my new grandmother seemed compared to the other grandmother I was so accustomed to, she had salt and pepper colored hair while my other grandma had fluffy white hair. I remember my aunt had EXTREMELY long hair and my uncle (her husband) had bushy hair and an unkempt moustache.

We all soon settled into our daily routines, spending sick days with my new abuela, going out to bergenline, trying to teach her english with my brother. New cousins popped up along the way and our family grew.

We would all continue to see each other, during my first few years at high school I would stop at my abuelas apartment and we would sit and have a meal together. 

During our difficult times, times of misscommunication a few things remained constant including, our faith and love of family. 

Even as I write this…. I find it hard to actually come up with little general moments that would define her, she could be difficult at times just like anybody else’s mother, father or grandparent. But she was a very loving person and sometimes the latter wouldn’t always be obvious to me.

One thing that we did have in common… as I wrote on this blog a few months back, I went to see a one man show, about the life and times of Jose Marti. I remember being really proud of my heritage and that a man who came from my parents homeland actually had those thought and visions and could write so beautifully. 

The First thing I did as a was walking to my car was to call my abuela and share all the emotion that was stirring in my heart, she said she was proud of me and she even recited some of Marti’s words. At that point, so many years after puberty and being a man I was reminded of how alike we are. 

This passed summer after a long eight year battle with cancer my abuela decided to come to florida and spend her last days closer to her family, and so she passed on that way, close to her family and just that much more closer to cuba.

People that make mistakes, people that are kind, people that love their family.

I didnt intend to do a mushy rant, but it sure did turn into one

ketchup

it’s been a hell of a half month since i last wrote.

What I’ve learned these past 2 months.

I REALLY hate retail, REALLY, REALLY do. people go into the particular store I work in (p/t) and throw stuff on the floor, they also leave their children unattended at the toy wall so their children can yell, scream and make a general mess of things

Ohio isn’t as Mayonaisey as I thought. Although I find it mostly suburbany/rural it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be

Alexis is an ok travel partner. I thought she’d decapitate me the first day much like that poor unfortunate man on the Canadian bus

i also learned that my brain isn’t as A.D.D addled as I thought it was, l’ve really enjoyed a new found love of books. I used to crack a book and lose myself in a jumble of letters and just mentally fall asleep

it’s a new dawn it’s a new day

well well well, I’ve come back to my neglected musings after taking a much deserved vacation. Only a few things have changed, still at the hotel, can’t say much as far as the other things are concerned. I’ll leave out the details but sufficed to say, be careful of who you trust.

my lady is still with me despite the rocky start to the summer. we’re slowly preparing for the arrival of family that will be staying with us for a week. Hopefully I will be inspired to write more, sooner rather than later

new levels of my nerdiness

I’ve long passed the age and feeling of trying to look cool and given in to my need for functionality,

with that I wanted to blog about a recent purchase of mine. The other day while I was driving to my part time job I passed by a Walgreens, at the Impulse Buy area I spotted a “As seen on TV” product. I’m talking about HD Wrap Around shades, they’re extremely similar to the Elderly Terminator shades, meaning that they wrap around your glasses so you don’t need to use clip ons i.e they look very close to the sunglasses that Arnold Schwarzenegger wore in Terminator 1.

As I’ve stated, my need to look cool isn’t as important as the need for my corneas to not be seared off as I squint to drive. But much to my fiances amusement I just look like an old dork. sigh

Mark

the work week started off normally, on friday I ended up coming in early to cover part of the earlier shift, I worked my shift and then I worked the third shift since my coworker didn’t show up for for the second day in a row. The following day I again had to cover the same shift. During that saturday night shift, concern and curiosity got the better of us so I placed a call to the sheriffs office so someone could pass by his house, about 30 minutes after I placed the call a deputy called me back to inform me that my coworker Mark passed away.

after that point everyone went into a surreal damage control. relatives had to be informed, schedules had to be changed. the state of shock has a tendency to due that.

i can’t help but remember how mad I was the previous day at having to cover someone else’s shift, how selfish and heartless it made me feel now that I thought back on it. but i also remembered the last moment that i spoke to mark, I remember that I complimented him on his haircut. We often enjoyed small talk, mark was peculiar in that he would often point out small things that he noticed for example my tendency to eat Campbells microwavable soups.

When I think of Mark Jacobs I think of how kind he was, how he had a quiet disposition. Mark suffered some trauma a while back from a motor vehicle accident that effected his brain, it effected his behavior. Troubles and personal demons aside Mark was very giving.

it hurts me that he was alone, i know that there’s not much i or any of us could have done, but it still hurts